How parents should discipline children . . .
Are there discipline principles that have stood the test of time? While not all methods work for all children, are there some methods that work for most children? With so many theories and approaches, which expert should parents listen to?
In North American secular culture, “gentle parenting” is a preferred approach. Is there a Christian parenting style? There are many perspectives. Hopefully, Christians all agree that Christian parents should parent like Christians. To be Christian parents, biblical principles must inspire and inform parenting practices. Here, then, are five biblical principles for disciplining children:
Act proactively, not reactively.
What’s in your child’s heart controls their behaviour. Pre-empt correction by training your child to live according to God’s Word. To help your child not make a lousy decision tomorrow, prepare them today. Children can’t make the right choice if they don’t know what it is. In everyday interactions with them, say, “Do this,” more frequently than “Don’t do this.” Especially with young children, use daily teachable moments to explain and show them how God wants them to speak, act, respond, and behave.
“Teach your children right from wrong, and when they are grown they will still do right” Proverbs 22:6 (CEV).
Be true to your word.
Maintaining the integrity of your word reinforces your parental authority. American General George S. Patton said, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” That’s good advice for parents. You are God’s representative, so your word should be your bond. If you say you’ll do something, do it. Disciplining children is hardly ever convenient. Commit to consequences you’re willing to apply. Don’t vacillate. Saying one thing and doing another thing confuses your child. Follow through on what you say, even when it’s inconvenient.
“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” Matthew 5:37 (NKJV).
Prudently reward obedient behaviour.
God usually, yet not always, blesses obedience and condemns disobedience. Parents should do the same. Children must learn there are positive or negative consequences for their behaviour. Use incentives occasionally and thoughtfully to cultivate an inner desire to do what is right. A reward is not a bribe. You should never bribe children. While the two may look similar, a reward recognizes and encourages obedience, while a bribe is an inducement to try and stop disobedience. Correction should teach children to do the right things for the right reasons.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV).
Exercise godly authority.
Discipline should never be abusive, arbitrary, or administered angrily. Build your children up rather than tearing them down. If you ever feel resentful or revengeful, deal with it before dealing with your child. Random, unpredictable parenting leads to chaos. When you’re in a dark place, press into God, confess your sin, and ask Him to adjust your attitude and renew your heart. Discipline should always be infused with grace. Exercise godly authority. Right correction requires the right connection. Look to Jesus to lead you. Aim to display compassion, control, and consistency with your words and actions.
“Teach . . . with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity” 1 Timothy 4:12 (MSG).
Trust God to empower you.
This principle should be prioritized and integrated into every facet of disciplining children. You can’t rely on your smarts and strength. Only God can empower and equip you with the measure of wisdom and grace you need to discipline your children. You may learn everything the world can teach you about parenting, but it will never transform your child’s heart. Only Jesus can save and sanctify your children. So, spend time daily in the Word, pray earnestly, ask God for guidance, be filled with the Spirit, and receive what God provides.
“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed” Proverbs 16:3 (NLT).
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might” Ephesians 6:10 (ESV).
Your input is valued. Please share additional biblical insights on how parents should discipline children.
Do you agree with our views on Christian parenting? Let us know why or why not!
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Parenting Principles in the Bible.
Summary
Discover effective Christian parenting discipline principles in Scripture by exploring the importance of keeping your word, rewarding children’s obedience, and raising them with Bible-informed values. This article highlights practical steps for disciplining children biblically, emphasizing prayer, reliance on God’s strength, and trust in Him to transform their hearts. Empower your parenting journey with wisdom from Scripture to cultivate a Christ-centred home.
FAQ 1. What does the Bible say about disciplining children proactively rather than reactively?
The Bible encourages parents to train children in God’s ways before misbehaviour occurs (Proverbs 22:6). Proactive discipline focuses on teaching right behaviour early, using daily moments to shape a child’s heart, rather than only correcting problems after they happen.
FAQ 2. Why is consistency and keeping your word important in Christian parenting discipline?
Scripture emphasizes integrity in speech: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37). Consistent follow-through in discipline builds trust, reinforces parental authority, and helps children understand that words and consequences are dependable and meaningful.
FAQ 3. Should parents reward good behaviour or is that like bribery?
The Bible supports acknowledging obedience and reinforcing good behaviour (Ephesians 6:1-3). A reward encourages and affirms right choices, while a bribe tries to control behaviour through negotiation. Christian discipline uses rewards wisely to cultivate a genuine desire to do what is right.
FAQ 4. How can parents discipline with godly authority instead of anger or frustration?
Godly discipline is grounded in grace, not anger or revenge. Parents are called to reflect Christ-like character by showing compassion, self-control, and consistency (1 Timothy 4:12). Healthy discipline flows from a heart aligned with God and depends on His wisdom and strength.
© Scripture Union, 2024
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