Restoring family values …
A culture of disrespect.
There’s a culture of disrespect in Western nations. In the article “The Collapse of Parenting: Why It’s Time for Parents to Grow Up,” Maclean’s writer Cathy Gulli says, “Many kids are actually overpowering their parents.”
This is deeply distressing. With parental authority dissipated and discipline diluted, it’s not surprising that social workers and doctors say that children are more anxious, depressed, less healthy and socially ill-adjusted. So, what can parents do?
Putting parents back in the driver’s seat.
Gordon Neufeld, a prominent Vancouver psychologist, says, “You need a strong alpha presentation to inspire a child to trust you and depend upon you. If parents don’t have enough natural power, then we’re hard-pressed to make the demand or set the limit for children. The parent always has to be honoured as the ultimate person … We need to put parents back in the driver’s seat.”
Neufeld, whether he knows it or not, is aligning himself with God’s Word. What he’s essentially saying is that restoring family values requires hierarchy, the one social construct that secular society has been working hard to dismantle.
Restoring biblical family values.
Hierarchy is a biblical concept. According to Ephesians 6:1-4, children are instructed to submit to their parents, and parents are encouraged to submit to the Lord. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” Ephesians 5:21. Ultimately, prioritizing Jesus is the only way to restore family values.
So, what does this mean in practical terms? Here are five suggestions:
1. Don’t outsource your parenting.
The primary responsibility for instilling obedience, respect and discipline rests with parents. Yes, we want as many positive secondary influences as possible, but instructing children in the way of the Lord starts with and must be sustained by parents. Take full responsibility. Grandparents, caregivers, babysitters, and daycare workers will never be held responsible by God for how your children were raised. You will. That’s a sobering insight. It’s not the school teacher’s responsibility to teach your children discipline and structure. It’s yours. And it’s not the youth pastor’s responsibility to teach your children obedience and respect. It’s yours.
How to Implement: Create a daily routine that includes quality time with your children. Use family devotions, discussions, and activities to reinforce values and expectations.
2. Be committed to the long haul.
A parent is always a parent. We don’t retire from parenting until we graduate to Heaven. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment that doesn’t stop simply because a child reaches full legal age or becomes an adult with children. While our children require less physical support as they grow older, they always need emotional and spiritual support.
How to Implement: Continue providing guidance and support throughout your children’s life stages. Regardless of age, be available to help them with life challenges, and always remind them of your ongoing love and commitment.
3. Teach children to obey immediately.
When it comes to children obeying instructions, parents often have low expectations. Raise the bar. My daughter, Christie, is alive today because she immediately stopped walking down a path in the African bush when I told her to. Another step and a deadly venomous snake would have bitten her. Learning to obey earthly parents helps children learn to obey God. Parents, teach your children to obey you the first time – immediately. This isn’t easy. It takes patience and repetition. But the long-term benefit is having children who become adults who do what God wants them to do.
How to Implement: Establish small daily practices where your children must follow instructions swiftly. Reward prompt obedience and reinforce the importance of following through the first time.
4. Discipline consistently.
Aim to discipline consistently. Don’t ask too much of your children too soon, and don’t ask too little of your children too late. The psychologist and founder of Focus on the Family, James Dobson, says, “As a parent, your job early on is to break their will without crushing their spirit. Time and time again, you will be tempted to weaken, give in and go back on your word, but you shouldn’t. Kids need to know that secure behavioural boundaries are established by parents who love them. If you don’t discipline them, they will not respect any authority, whether it is yours, a teacher’s, a police officer’s or God’s.”
How to Implement: Create a list of clear, easy-to-follow rules and consequences with your children. Stick to your word and avoid giving in to emotional pleas. Regularly review the rules with your children so they understand what’s expected of them.
5. Love extravagantly.
Model your family relationships on the love that Christ has for us. Love extravagantly. The more you love your children, the easier it is for them to honour and obey you. Christian apologist and author Josh McDowell says, “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” So, cultivate strong links with your children. But not so they love you more than anyone else. Do everything you can to incline their hearts to Jesus so they love Him more than any other.
How to Implement: Take the time to listen to your children’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Foster open communication and show them you care by being present, patient, and perceptive. Model Christ’s love, guiding them spiritually and emotionally.
Keep on keeping on.
Restoring family values is a continuous process. Even a cursory evaluation of society indicates that the family has never been more overwhelmed than it is now. There is unparalleled devastation and an ongoing demise of the family. We shouldn’t be surprised. Satan has warred against the family since the dawn of creation, but recently, he’s intensified his attacks.
But all is not lost. “The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” 1 John 4:4. So, keep on keeping on. Claim God’s promises. Pray continually. Obey God’s Word. Exercise grace and mercy. Be filled with the Spirit. Pursue spiritual goals. Be an example. And trust the Lord through thick and thin.
Lord, turn the hearts of children to obeying and honouring their parents and turn the hearts of parents to disciplining and instructing their children. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
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Summary
A culture of disrespect exists in Western nations, where children are overpowering parents, leading to increased anxiety and social issues. Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist, emphasizes the importance of parents reclaiming authority and restoring hierarchy in families. His suggestion aligns with biblical teachings on submission and respect. Practical tips for parents include taking full responsibility for raising children, being committed for the long haul, teaching immediate obedience, disciplining consistently, and loving extravagantly. Despite challenges, parents are encouraged to trust God’s promises and restore family values through faith, discipline, and love.
© Scripture Union, 2025
Soli Deo Gloria
